It seems I always have this problem. Office politics, I cant STAND gossip. But it seems it’s all anybody ever does.
I end up not getting involved in lunch break conversations, because people are just gossiping. Then I become isolated, Next thing I know people are whispering and looking at ME. Drives me nuts. Any advise?
12 Comments
Go you, gossip helps no one, and yep they obviously have nothing more interesting in their lives!
Rise above it and get on with what you’ve gotta do, arrange to meet friends in lunch breaks, call friends or invite collegues with similar interests out for a coffee break and start up the conversation so they have little lee way to gossip.
Take control and ignore the gossiping, or rather..embrace it!!
there is this technique called passive listening, you can be physically present, a bit involving in the conversation but refrain from giving feedback or carrying on with the conversation. just give few sounds, “ahh…”, “i see.”, “hmmm…”, etc.
(locally, we refer to it as letting it in one ear and letting it out the other ear)
that stops the gossips because its not being transmitted to others. like saying it ends with you.
also, you can be engaging in the conversation but slowly infuse in the conversation other stuffs that you think (you know your colleagues) they might be interested in… a good movie, a big sale in malls, etc.
don’t let it get to you, people are always going to have something to say rather good or bad
Every one has a little gossip at some time, but it flits from person to person, we all get mentioned, just change the topic, you only think they are looking at you.
its simply like this, It is better to be alone that to be with someone that makes you stupid.
you know you cant really please everybody and you dot have to that. If you cant stay out of them, you could stay with them and be careful not to be like them but influence them instead by showing them that its not good. They may ot get your point in a sort time but at least you did your part right?
Ignore gossips and looking and whispering and behave normal. Try to find some nice people to chat in lunch break without gossipping, if your isolation is causing whispering about you.
Turn the conversations around! Make sure you have a subject you can throw in. Example: Favorite vacation spots. You could go around the table and everyone could talk about theirs. Pets, children, education, traffic, air pollution, yard maintenance, etc. You can be the one that gets people talking about THEMSELVES instead of someone else. I have found that most folks crave the opportunity to talk about themselves. This will steer them away from gossiping about others. If the conversation tends to turn that way, you be the one who puts it back on track. Who knows…maybe these gossipers will find they have a lot in common, with the ones they have been “talking” about.
You can make chit chat and listen to the gossip without being a gossip yourself. Just don’t repeat the stuff you hear. That way people won’t know you as a gossip but they will know you and talk to you so you know they aren’t as apt to talk about you.
Office gossip is hard to avoid…I would recommend joining those lunchtime conversations, but if topics turn to gossip say nothing and find the moment when you can change the subject.
I know in my BF’s office they used to have “strange subject of the day” conversations – “if you were stranded on a dessert island, what 3 cd’s would you want with you?” Silly stuff like that – keeps conversation going w/out turning toward uncomfortable areas.
Yeah, that can be really annoying but you can’t stop people from gossiping, just ignore them.
Ahhh enjoy it..It means that your life is far more important than theirs and therefore they must talk about you.
Try to steer their conversation into another direction such as the weather or the news of the day. You could even start joke telling. Most of those discussions are less likely to hurt people than gossip.